Sláine, ranked part 12: weird and wonderful

Into the top 20 (which is the top third of all Sláine stories) here, with a trio of beautifully illustrated, but perhaps slight, tales.

Rank 20/60: The Brutania Chronicles 3: Psychopomp
by Pat Mills and Simon Davis

"Kiss my bow" doesn't have the same ring to it.
Art by Simon Davis

Where to read it: The Brutania Chronicles 3
Original run: Progs 1979-1988 (in the Year 2016; story 45.3 in sequence)

The plot: Sláine must variously contend with: ‘the Primordial’ (human champion of the Cythrons), Slough Gododin (human-ish villain and self-proclaimed ‘Psychopomp’), memories and revelations about his mother and father(s), and the rescue of Sinead, and finally the mysterious Zana – a true earth mother…

Essential pre-reads: None. Well, you probably want to read the previous two Brutania Chronicles, but honestly this would be quite a fun one just to dive into.

Analysis: Look, as you can tell from the rather awkward plot summary, this is quite a fiddly book – but it’s pretty interesting, and MUCH more successful than the Primordial (the previous part of the Brutania series) at combining fighting and action alongside exposition and pontificating. It doesn’t reach the heights of a Simple Killing, but does at least boast an outstanding design for Slough Gododin, the main villain, who has shed his human skin to become part-Cythron, part rotting corpse.

In your FACE!
Art by Simon Davis

What this book is really about though, is pushing emotions. Slough Gododin takes delight in raising Daddy issues with Sláine. Specifically, he pulls a Mamma Mia on him – turns out, Sláine has three possible dads! And almost certainly ‘Roth’ his presumed father for many years and many sagas, was not his biological dad. However, instead of singing Abba songs and calling to mind fond memories of his Mum’s former lovers, Sláine goes the angsty route. 

In-story, I don’t buy this for a minute. Sláine has never really shown any sense that he NEEDS a family name to carry on, or that he was traumatised by his childhood. Out-of-story, this is in fact THE most personal thing Mills has ever written about – he says as much in his intro to ‘Kiss my Axe’, and with that knowledge it makes this story more compelling. So I can forgive it, even if it feels like an omission not to have some sort of aside about how important family names/lineage was in Mills imaginary Celtic world – the sort of thing he used to chuck in in stories gone by?

I suppose he makes up for this a bit by giving Gododin – literal as well as spiritual son of Slough Feg -his own daddy issues to confront.

Mills is not just fixated on male lineage, thankfully. In fact, he devotes a significant portion to memories of his mother Macha, and not just the bit where she dies. There’s a whole thing about her teaching Sláine how to use a bow, and boy, in the back-half of Psychopomp we get to enjoy Sláine really going to town with the arrows.

Macha is a dab hand with the arrows
Art by Simon Davis

And then the other big revelation within the story is about new character Zana, a mysterious ‘wild woman’ who obviously has some power to put the wind up the rule and anti-Khaos obsessed Cythrons. Spoiler warning here, in case you have forgotten / have never read this story…

…but Zana turns out to be, I think, a Neanderthal-esque figure, a ‘true’ human untouched by the spiritual evils of Christianity other-dimensional beings. To emphasise the point, she looks like an organ-utan (and let’s allow the artistic license that these tropical rainforest creatures just would not survive in a damp, cold place with few trees like Great Britain).

But that’s not all! This book is just brimming with ‘points Mills wants to make’. There’s at least one more, I haven’t brought up yet, and it’s another spoiler…

…Sláine gets his old buddy Gort, who was revealed to be the Primordial in the previous cliffhanger ending, to turn against his Cythron masters. He even gives a speech about it, basically saying that as an elite boy from an elite school he was SO well trained that they gave him the seeds of betrayal, even as they taught him to obey without question. I’ve complained in the past that the picture Mills paints of public schools doesn’t tally with my own experience – but, here at last, I DO see some truth in it, and that warms my cold, non-conformist heart.

Honestly, the lush greens and RED blood really help make all this chat easier to swallow.
Art by Simon Davis

Repercussions: WELL. Within the context of the Brutania Chronicles, quite a lot happens here, but essentially it's about setting the stage for the final part to come, in Archon. On a more big picture note, this book is really where the Sloughs kind of reach the end of their time as major forces for evil in Sláine's life. And I guess on a REALLY big picture note, you could argue that here we learn the true secret of 'real' humans vs 'fake' human infected by Christianity inter-dimensional lizard people. (as I'm no longer 8 years old, this revelation was less exciting to me than e.g. when I first learned about Cythrons in Time Killer)

Writing: 8/10
Art: 9/10 (and again, a reminder that I'm not faulting the art here, just grading with an eye on the fact that Sláine art - indeed Davis's own Sláine art - somehow still finds room to be EVEN BETTER)

Brainball count: 24 as seen on-panel – but in this story there are quite a lot of images of Sláine doling out violence where we don’t actually see the victim of said violence, so you could probably double that number. If you like watching people getting deaded by arrows, this is the book for you.

Rank 19/20: The Swan Children
by Pat Mills and Siku

You can never go wrong with an evil snake lady.
Art by Siku

Where to read it: Lord of the Beasts
Original run: Prog 1112-1114 (in the Year 1998; story 35 in sequence)

The plot: It’s a version of the legend ‘Children of Lir’ as told with Sláine in the ‘Lir’ role.

Essential pre-reads: None.

Analysis: So, once editorial dictated that Sláine should quit bumbling through time, encountering UK legends/historical events, Mills cast his eye around for other myths he could fit into the Sláine milieu. Mills himself says he’s rather proud of this one, and as I recall readers at the time also wanted more of this sort of thing. Also, Siku on art duties is really pushing the abstract, hyper-exaggerated tendency his art always has...

Look at the warp spasm on that! McMahon eat your heart out.
Art by Siku

If there’s a problem with The Swan Children, it’s that this is an extremely rare case where I’d heard a version of the myth before reading the Sláine story. And it's a little odd chucking Sláine into the mix as his general style of gruff, violent but also pontificatin’ comics doesn’t quite fit in my head with this melancholy tale of old King Lir (yes, the same as that other King Lear, I think?).

Basically, there’s these three children and they get cursed/blessed by being turned into swans, while Sláine is kind of in the background, and it’s beautiful and sad, and Siku paints the heck of out both the beauty and the sadness. I can’t quite imagine what other Sláine stories in this vein might have been, had Bish-Op given the nod, but it’s a neat contrast to the rather sillier ‘lost tales’. It’s typically easy to rate these more poetic/serious stories higher than the comedy ones, and that's not always fair, but I think having both flavours is the real trick. 

That said, this one does deserve it’s reputation as being a) the best of the 'lost years' and b) the one most people actually remember, even if they might not remember exactly what happens.

Repercussions: none, if you just ignore the idea that Sláine ever had any kids other than Kai...

Writing: 8/10
Art: 9/10 – Siku’s one Sláine effort, and as with his work on e.g. Judge Dredd, you sure do notice that it’s Siku’s work, he’s so far out there in his style. Shame not to get more, but on the other hand I can’t see this style working for a more classic axe-fighting / giant battle-scene story.

Brainball count: 2 sea demons, in a flashback, plus one serpent creature (which technically doesn’t die)

Rank 18/60: The Mercenary
by Pat Mills and Clint Langley

Double-size scan thanks to this round-up by Funt Solo.
Art by Clint Langley

Where to read it: Sláine the Wanderer
Original run: Progs 1714, 1714 and 2011 (the end of year Prog from 2010; story 43 in sequence)

The plot: In the build-up to a battle between Formorians and free people, we’re treated to the spectacle of Murderball – a game Celts were said to play right before a battle in order to intimidate their enemies.

Essential pre-reads: None.

Analysis: Ah, Murderball! A concept Mills apparently learned of from a buddy – who gets a credit in the story – and is one of those things so perfect for Sláine, and indeed comics-as-history-lessons, that the only shame is it’s all over too quickly. I suppose a game in which the only goal is to get a ‘ball’ (read: human head) over one or other goal line isn’t really going to take that long to play out. And although it might’ve been fun to get some classic sports comic action, Mills and Langley wisely limit themselves to a delightful bit of ‘who’s on the team’ action, and then a bunch of scrum-scenes with added death and gore.

...a bird? A plane? Monty Python's Flying Circus?
Art by Clint Langley

But just think! If this had been unearthed and gifted to Massimo Belardinelli in the early days, you can bet this story is one people would still talk about now. Rather than being a story where I imagine people go ‘Oh yeah, that was a bit of fun, wasn’t it’ before promptly forgetting it ever existed. This story is great! Even better if you're 10 years old, I have to imagine!

There's also fun to be had on the sidelines of the Murderball match, with the real baddies of the story being those who wouldn't dare actually play the game.

The human collaborator is a classic Millsian minor villain.
Art by Clint Langley

Repercussions: Well, for anyone who cared (I didn’t), bad guy Crom Dubh from the Carnival storyline gets his end here in a suitably delightful fashion. Also Sláine bumps into Nest again which is nice, but their reunion doesn’t go anywhere long term.

Writing: 8/10 – there’s hardly a plot here, but the setting is neat and the casual character design is classic Mills
Art: 9/10, those magnificent crowd scenes, come ON!

Brainball count: possibly none? Sláine himself doesn't provide the 'ball'. There’s one human who may just be very badly hurt at the end, and then the head of a demon that was already beheaded and is ultimately splatted en masse, rather than by Sláine’s own hand...
But don't let that fool you - this is a delightfully violent tale :)