Sorry, couldn't resist that title, given that these next two tales involve were-serpents and siege engines...
Rank 28/60: The Beast
in the Broch
by Pat Mills and Massimo Belardinelli
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| The 'skulls dangling from the waist' look was big in the olden days, OK?? Art by Massimo Belardinelli |
Where to read it: Warrior’s Dawn
Original run: Progs 331-334 (in the year 1983, story 2 in sequence)
The plot: Ukko and Sláine buy a prison, fight a
monster, and get into and out of trouble.
Essential pre-reads: none.
Analysis: If there’s one Sláine story that feels like
Conan – or at least, what I imagine Conan to feel like – it’s this one. Mostly
because there’s a pretty lady who turns into a snake monster, which is right
out of the first Conan movie. And on that level, this is totally fun. But as
usual there’s more going on. Specifically, Mills gives a lesson on olden days
versions of prisons, and how they were used as much as transactional options as
they were places to lock up dangerous undesirables. It comes across as both
more and less civilized than today’s version of prisons which is super
interesting.
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| Even Ukko is looking young here! Art by Massimo Belardinelli |
Meanwhile, there’s a classic opportunity to explore the way that Sláine is a good guy, but only by the moral standards of his time (or rather, the version of his ‘time’ that Mills chooses to present). He’s not into saving people for the sake of it, or condemning capitalists for the sake of it, either. Contrasted with Ukko, who is not as such evil, but is very openly out to help himself, Sláine of course comes across as a hero in the classic sense. But only to a certain extent, which is what keeps things interesting. Basically, there’s plenty to like here, but it’s a small story, and Belardinelli is still warming up on art duty – his Sláine is noticeably clean-cut and handsome, which wouldn’t last.
Repercussions: Beyond fleshing out Sláine and Ukko
(although really, their basic dynamic was covered in The Time Monster), the
main thing this adds is a BIG part of Sláine’s origin, told in flashback. You
know, where he breaks into Niamh’s hut and ends up getting caught with her.
It’s early and rare example of sex in 2000AD, and in fact sets a tone for
Sláine that sex is not a small motivation for various characters, nor a small
part of this world. But it’s not essential reading, as that origin story would
be referenced many more times.
Writing: 8/10
Art: 8/10
Brainball count: 1 monster, 1 brute, 1 man in a
flashback, and perhaps another 3 or 4 in a second flashback, although it’s hard
to tell beneath the warpspasm quite how many individuals fall under Sláine’s
axe.
Rank 27/60: The Grail War
by Pat Mills and Steve Tappin
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| Art by Mark Gibbons |
Where to read it: The Grail War
Original Run: Progs 1040-1049 (In the Year 1997; this is story 30.1 in sequence)
The plot: In 13th century France, Sláine joins Crusader Knight Simon
DeMontfort – who is also the latest reincarnation of Niamh - as he besieges and
slaughters countless Cathars. The Holy Grail is involved.
Essential pre-reads: none, although it helps if you
know a bit about real-world history of who the Cathars were, and why mainstream
Christians hated them.
Analysis: I can’t claim this is the best Sláine
story, but it’s quite possibly my favourite. Along with its sequel, the Secret
of the Grail (which is more like a thematic movie sequel than it is just part 2
of the same story), it covers a bit of history I know very little about, and
explores Sláine’s pagan psyche in super interesting ways. Likewise, Steve Tappin’s
art is less classically beautiful then the likes of Dermot Power or Glenn
Fabry, but it’s more delightfully weird. It’s painted art, but often done
cartoonishly. Ukko in particular gets the benefit. Gone here are the scenes of
future Ukko writing the saga; replacing them are hilarious scenes of Ukko
taking on work as a sort of medieval private eye / blackmailer.
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| Ukko and a dwarf buddy art by Steve Tappin |
I think part of what I like is that the story puts Sláine on the same side as one lot of Christians against another lot, so for once Mills isn’t JUST pointing out the many faults and flaws (and evil aliens) hidden inside my own religion. But there’s also one of the better mixes of a story that: sets the scene of a specific historical time and place; mixes up philosophical debate with fun banter; throws in some planning and heisting alongside the fighting; has some beautiful countryside scenery as well as castle action.
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| That is some seriously gorgeous texture work there. Art by Steve Tappin |
Repercussions: Although it sort of comes out of the blue, this is the story that really cements the idea that Sláine and Niamh are soul mates, lovers destined to find each other throughout time. Or at least, it states that plainly, following on from events of ‘Lord of Misrule’ if not from any previous stories. But plotwise, none. This story can stand alone, although you’ll want to read the follow-up.
Writing: 9 out of 10 I can’t get enough of Mills’s really
crunchy attempts to attack his own prejudices, with one kind of Christian being
a good guy against another kind of Christian being a bad guy, and daring to tackle
gay love in a serious, romantic way. He doesn’t quite get past some instinctive
homophobia which stops this from being a 10.
Art: 7 out of 10 Steve Tappin is finding his feet for a chunk of this
story. Still, he pulls out some absolutely gorgeous medieval inspired bits, and
his Ukko might actually be the single best version, certainly if you grew up on
1980s fantasy movie dwarves as I did.
Brainball count: 1 demon and 5 humans
Rank 26/60: Beyond
by Pat Mills and Greg Staples
Where to read it: Lord of the Beasts
Original run: Prog 2000 (the one from December 1999, in the year... 1999. It's story 37 in sequence, I think)
The plot: Picks up chronologically from the end of
Sláine’s final ‘adventure in time’, which was the Grail sequence. He’s now heading
back to his own time, which naturally requires him to journey through the
underworld. Who should he meet there but many of his victims, including one old
arch-enemy…
Essential pre-reads: This would be a weird one to pick up if you’ve never read any Sláine before, but you could probably do with just reading The Horned God, to get some context for the 'greatest hits' theme, and I guess maybe one of the time-travelling stories, although it doesn't matter which.
Analysis: Although this story fits into a wider saga – specifically, bringing Sláine out of the time wastes and back to ancient pseudo-Ireland – really, it’s a metanarrative. This was the Sláine story featuring in Prog 2000, the ultimate celebratory Prog. As such, it’s a signal to lapsed readers that a) Sláine is still a key player in the comic and b) he’s going to get back to basics very soon. With a side helping of c) He still gets the hot new artists to draw him, ideally fighting demons + beloved arch-enemies. The actual story here is irrelevant – it’s a showcase of art and tone and to be honest, it’s a bit of a let-down. I think it’s missing that key ingredient of Celtic mythology-splainin’ that Mills is usually going for. This one’s more of an indulgent ‘hey Kids, remember how cool Sláine is’. But, you know, greatest hits albums are still real fun to listen to.
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| Greg Staples really going for the skin texture / muscle detail! |
Repercussions: This is a bridging story between the time-traveller portion of Sláine, and the next story, the Secret Commonwealth, which is name-checked at the end. It’s also the final appearance of Slough Feg, chronologically speaking (he's the star of a later story, but set in the past) – although being as he’s already dead there’s nothing really to stop him from re-appearing again in future...
Writing: 7/10
Art: 9/10 Greg Staples is showing off his painting skills, and having
fun doing it. But it doesn’t quite add any amazing new poses or details of single-panels joys to
the vast pantheon of ‘amazing Sláine’ drawings already out there. But, if you
want to see Sláine hacking his axe at zombie-like baddies, both in human and
warp-spasm form, and a good look at Slough Feg, this is as good a place as any
to turn to.
Brainball count: Arguably 6 + 1 arch-enemy – but
really, everyone he encounters is already dead so it’s more just maiming and
dismemberment he’s dishing out, rather than terminations…
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